I taste almonds!

So I know I've complained about the loss of my taste buds and the fact that I've been feeling bad lately, which has made my appetite disappear. But it's not entirely true.

I can taste almonds!

Let me clarify. It's not that I can just taste almonds, and it's not just any almonds I can taste. It's a particular kind of almond that I not only taste, I experience a profound sense of pleasure and delight because the sweetness of the nut combined with this soft, mellow roasted flavor has my senses actually stimulated so that IT TASTES GOOD!

What are these miracle almonds you ask? And where can you get some?

They are sent compliments of my friend, Greg Massa--an old college dorm mate (he lived on the floor right below mine in Santa Cruz dorm, UCSB, 1988-1989). Greg and his wife Raquel are organic farmers in Northern California and they own Massa Organics (click here for the link).

This is a picture of Greg and Raquel with their five kids on the family farm



They also have a Facebook group (click here).

When Greg heard I had cancer, he sent this wonderful gift box to me filled with a organic wheat flour, organic brown rice, almond butter, and most importantly, these yummy, yummy almonds!

Jane D. was over when I got the package and can attest to how scrumptious the almonds are (and she took one of the brochures that Greg included).

I don't know if anyone reading this is in need of some good organic brown rice, flour, or almonds, but even if you think you don't need it, let me tell you, it's SO WORTH IT--THESE ALMONDS ARE INCREDIBLE! And if I can taste and savor and take pleasure in the taste of these almonds while I'm on chemo, I can't imagine what they taste like with normal taste buds!

So thank you Greg and Raquel! I will be forever grateful for your almonds!

Chemo sucks and I feel bad

I guess I could just end with the title of this post. But perhaps I should elaborate on why I feel bad (I don't think I need to explain why chemo sucks--the idea of poison coursing through my cells and blood stream killing off the good with the bad is freaky enough without all the side effects).

*I am still nauseous/queasy and also a bit dizzy

Let me explain further. The nurse navigator that we met with the week before chemo, lets call her Nurse Sally Sunshine, made it seem as if I would have ZERO nausea--that the anti-nausea medication that they have now is so good and there have been so many advances that I should just not have a problem with nausea at all.

Well, maybe I'm an outlier (OK, I KNOW I'm an outlier) but I am having nausea. Not enough that I'm dry heaving in a crumpled heap with Julia Roberts holding my head while I wretch into a metal bin (if you've seen the film Dying Young then you know what I'm talking about), but enough that I don't feel good--I don't have much of an appetite and my stomach is constantly queasy.

I have a call out to another nurse (this one I like very much--Delma) and I have an appointment with Triangle Acupuncture next week--I have high hopes for the acupuncture--several people have recommended it as a way to help with the side effects of chemo (it helped one of my uncles). I just with Blue Cross/Blue Shield would get with the program and help cover alternative therapies (they don't, so it's all out of pocket).

*I'm not eating.

OK, this isn't technically true--I am eating--or rather constantly nibbling in an effort to hold the nausea at bay. But I'm not really eating big meals, and I'm doing just small nibbles. And it's sad--because I LOVE TO EAT. Or rather, I love food. I still do--and this is one of the saddest consequences of the chemo--having my taste buds change and not having an appetite. I've lost 5 lbs in 5 days, which I know isn't great--this is why I'm hoping the nurse will call back and/or acupuncture will work. If anyone reading this has recommendations on things to eat and how to deal with the change in taste buds and nausea, I'm all ears/eyes.

*I'm tired.

So if you know me, you know I'm a high energy kind of person. But I have to say that since chemo started, I've been much more tired--first it was at 25% below capacity, but I'd say that today (and yesterday) it's more like 50%. The mornings are better than the afternoons--and I'm usually asleep by 9pm or 10pm. I have been able to do a mile of walking in the mornings--and that seems to help with the nausea, interestingly enough. But I'd say by about 2pm I am in need of a nap, and more to the point, the energy it takes to do just a single thing feels sapping. And I'm someone used to multi-tasking, so this is a new reality for me.

There are a few more symptoms I'm having -- like some muscle/joint aches, some intermittent stomach cramping, a bit of a headache -- that aren't helpful but aren't completely constant or that feel debilitating like these other symptoms do. When Nurse Sunshine descried the side effects, she really low-balled it--she talked about how women on chemo still work and they are still Mom's who take their kids to the park and to the movie theaters and that the life I had before chemo and things I did before chemo will be things I can do while I'm on chemo.

Well you know what? She lied!

Because I cannot possibly think about walking 18 holes of golf while carrying my clubs in this heat while on chemo. And I have no desire to go to any restaurants or eat or, or to even cook, because I can't trust my cooking with my taste buds changed. And while I do recognize that there are people who are forced due to economic circumstances to work 9-5 jobs while on chemo, it should not be something that is encouraged because I AM REALLY EXHAUSTED AND FEEL SLIGHTLY NAUSEOUS 24/7. And this is the last thing anyone needs--to be working and feeling this way.

[takes deep breath -- rant against Nurse Sunshine over]

OK, sorry for the ranting/whining. I guess it's to be expected--I mean, lets face it, I'm no saintly patient person--I am a loud and opinionated woman. And I guess it's good to know that even when I'm feeling like crap (and OH YES, I FEEL LIKE CRAP) I can still be me (is that a silver lining kind of moment or is that just me recognizing that chemo or no chemo, cancer or no cancer, I'm going to keep being the person I am?).

Saturday update & plug for a fantastic photographer

So this is day 3 of chemo and this morning was the worst day in terms of symptoms--I literally woke up nauseous--as in, if I didn't do something about it ASAP, I'd be hugging the porceleain goddess--probably dry heaving since I ate very little yesterday: small bowl of multigrain cereal with some blueberries and milk, half a luna bar (the nut-cranberry type), 3 peanut M&M's that tasted stale, a tiny bowl of homemade mulberry ice cream that now tastes like cardboard (3 days ago it was yummy), half a bowl of bean soup, 2 small pieces of bread, 4 olives, and a small portion of cucumber salad tossed with salt, pepper, olive oil and lemon. I have to tell you, this is pathetic in terms of what I'm normally able to pack away (and those of you who have been with me in my grazing sessions KNOW THIS).

Anyway, I've taken all the anti-nausea pills at my disposal, am wearing sea bands on my wrist to help with nausea, and my Mom made me a yummy cup of ginger tea (which steeped in boiling water for 10 minutes) and flavored with honey (which I will apparently no longer be able to tolerate when my white blood cell counts go down since honey has a natural occurring amount of botulism that healthy people can deal with and not-so-healthy people can't).

Other symptoms: my bones hurt. Literally. It's because I got a shot of this drug, neulasta--administered to me 24 hours after my chemo. The shot costs a whopping $3000! But if you get it administered through the Lineberger Center, it's free. So off I went at 2pm yesterday (Matthew waited in the car downstairs parked around the corner since it was supposed to be an in-and-out operation but truthfully I didn't walk out of there until 3pm--thank you hospital administration!

Anyway, 50% of people who get this shot experience severe pressure and pain in their long limbs (legs and arms) because the neulasta stimulates white cell production in the bone marrow--and so literally I could feel something happening yesterday night--I could FEEL my bone marrow--it was trippy! While the pain wasn't severe (I took 2 alleve when I started to feel the first twinge--tip from the nurse who gave me the shot), it was definitely uncomfortable--and still is a bit. Oh Joy. Now we can add bone pain/pressure to the list of symptoms we know I'll have the day after chemo.

But lets turn to more pleasant pastures, shall we? Specifically, 2 weeks ago we became Mr. and Dr. Jennifer Ho! I joke with Matthew about this because I am clearly NOT taking his name--even if I did it personally, I wouldn't nor shouldn't change anything professionally -- can you imagine the confusion? All of a sudden Dr. Jennifer Grady is publishing on Asian American culture and literature on racial ambiguity??? Too confusing. And besides which, I just don't feel like a Jennifer Grady--no offense to the lovely Grady clan. I am and shall ever be Jennifer Ho--and the tradition, in the conservative traditional sense, has always been that you do the highest title of the married couple--which in our case happens to be my faux-Dr. status (I say faux only because I mislead so many people the very few times I use the prefix "Dr" on a form--after all, what can I possibly repair except for a comma splice? Even though I did work hard for that PhD damn it!)

Anyway, we're married and it has been great and they always say that one of the ways to capture the fun and festivities of the weekend is through photos--a way to relive memories. And Matthew and I will be able to relive many MANY fond memories thanks to the fabulous, fantastic photographer we found through our friend Lynn York.

So let me introduce you to JEN YUSON.

Jen is in the far left taking photos--can't see her very well, but she's got this old school camera, a rolleiflex that she uses to shoot with REAL FILM!



I can't say enough great things about Jen and her husband, Shawn Baugess, who was also snapping photos (some great candids) and who also does graphic design at UNC Greensboro. Jen and Shawn were great because they blended in and fit in so well with both the low key vibe at the ceremony @the NC Art Museum Park and the more festive upbeat vibe of the Saturday party at Johnny's. Especially at Johnny's, half the time I had no idea where they were or what they were doing, yet the photos they produced showed how hard at work they were--because they put up 640 photos between the 2 days of wedding festivities (and if you really have a ton of time on your hands and REALLY want to see all 640 wedding photos, email me off-line and I'll send you the link and password that you'll need to access that archive).

Anyway, besides being a fantastic wedding photographer, Jen is an artist. I mean seriously, you should check out her website (click here).

And this article written about her in the Greensboro newspaper (click here).

I'm not getting a thing from Jen in return for plugging her. I just like her a lot, as a photographer/artist and as someone I can see myself hanging out with and eating noodles and lumpia with (when my appetite returns). And she said the nicest things about me and Matthew on her blog, and that's the last word I'm going to leave you with about Jen Yuson, except to say that if you are considering a professional head shot for your book or professional web site, if you think you may be getting married in the NC area, or want to document a big life event, Jen is your woman--she's reasonable, she's flexible, and she takes amazingly beautiful photos that capture a moment in time. Plus she described me on her blog as a the kind of person who kicks butt and takes names! But see for yourself (click here for the blog entry about Matthew & Jennifer).

Mourning the loss of my taste buds

Here are a few things I am most lately grateful for in the last 2-3 weeks:

*That I could savor all the dishes on our Chinese wedding banquet two weeks ago
*That I could devour my mother's Jamaican stew peas -- my favorite childhood dish -- last week
*That I got my first taste of "local yogurt" (I think that's the name of the company) in Durham where they have this delicious strawberry-original swirl
*That I got to enjoy both Hawaiian Kona coffee and Jamaican blue mountain coffee the week before and during all the wedding madness
*That I got to go to dim sum in Chapel Hill and discover that it's pretty decent and more importantly they have my favorite Cantonese style noodle dish.
*That I could taste every one of the three wedding sheet cakes we ordered for the party

I am grateful for these taste memories, and more, because I have turned into a textbook case of someone going through chemotherapy. When I was receiving the "C" portion of the "AC" cocktail yesterday (click here if you want the fully skinny on my first treatment) a mettalic taste was starting to creep into my mouth. It stayed with me through the afternoon and evening (although this morning it doesn't seem to have popped up). I was also having low level nausea--the kind you get when you've ridden a roller coaster (not one of the wild ones, just the regular up and down kind) and your head is a little dizzy but more than your head, your stomach just feels off? Actually, I'm not feeling dizzy so much as a bit light headed -- that seems to be due specifically to one of the anti-nausea drugs I'm on (1 of 4!).

And then when we were eating dinner last night, I noticed a few new things:

*Raw vegetables taste like dirt. I suppose you could say that we didn't clean the lettuce or carrots or bell peppers enough, but I don't think that was the problem. It seems as if raw vegetables are not appealing to me right now. Which I think is horrific because I love eating baby carrots and a nice salad once a week.

*Citrus taste exacerbates the mettalic taste. So does vinegar.

*Hamburgers are hard for me to chew and swallow--I literally had to take baby bites of the bison-beef burgers Matthew and his brother grilled up, and I had to chew them into tiny portions before I was able to swallow. I had no problems swallowing other foods, like the baked beans or the hot dog or the salad.

*My taste buds are off because when I was doctoring the baked beans (I always put in a dollop of ketchup, mustard, and brown sugar--a tip I learned from Beth) I couldn't taste that I went too heavy with the mustard. It wasn't awful, according to my Mom, but it was noticeable.

All of which is to say, my taste buds are clearly off. But what is more distressing is that I'm not all that interested in eating.

[SHOCK! HORROR! GASPS of SURPRISE!]

I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW!

It is a terrible irony (and I think this counts as irony) that a week after receiving so many lovely wedding gifts and shower gifts that are themed around cooking and food and EATING, that the idea of cooking and handling food and eating is really unappealing to me.

I don't have any desire to pick up The Barefood Contessa cookbook or Mark Bittman's "How to Cook Everything" or the Italian cookbook bible by Marcella Hazen. It all seems grey.

I'm hoping that this is just a phase--perhaps this will subside and I will go through eating jags (which is what one of the nurses suggested) where all I'll want is tacos or pizza or chicken marasala or udon noodles. I hope so. I am still eating, more because I know I should than because I desire or crave a particular taste in my mouth.

Which is really sad for me--because I LOVE the feeling of desiring or craving a particular taste in my mouth.

But the practical gal in me knows that this is all temporary. And certainly Matthew has all his taste buds (and appetite) in tact. Which brings me to the Bruno & Food drop-off schedule. We have both been really bowled away by everyone's generosity and willingness to pitch in. And I've been receiving email and phone calls lightly encouraging me to add more dates--as it stood, we were only listing the days of the chemo and when Matthew works, but the truth is, I may be at my lowest 7-10 days after treatment because that's when my white blood cell counts are lowest. So we added in Sundays and Wednesdays off-week from the original schedule. Again, PLEASE DO NOT FEEL OBLIGED TO SIGN UP. But for those of you who said that you would like to sign up for a summer date, esp. since the fall gets busy, we thought this might be helpful.

Here's the link to the Sign-in sheet

And once again, thank you all SO MUCH. I'll be sending email messages to the dog walkers and the food droppers to thank you more personally and explain a few thing about Bruno, the lovable but tempermental dog--who also now has a new summer hair cut! (I don't have a photo so you'll just have to see for yourself!)

The view from chemo chair #16

[NOTE: if you are only reading this for medical info on Jennifer, the most relevant info to know is that I started chemo today and it's all going well so far--I'm on a cocktail of anti-nausea meds, in addition to the "AC" chemo cocktail. My stomach is feeling a bit sensitive, but other than that, I'm fine--read below if you want to know more about my port surgery and/or my ruminations from Chemo Chair #16]

Hello folks--I'm writing to you live and in-person from Chemo Chair #16 at the UNC Lineberger Comprehensive Cancer Center. My nurse/bartender for today is Julie (just like the Love Boat!) and she's hooked me up to an anti-nausea cocktail of several things to help with the REAL drugs I'll be getting--the "AC" cocktail. I must admit that even though this is just the warm-up act, I'm feeling kinda weird/loopy with these anti-nausea drugs. Since this is my first time they are running my meds on a s-l-o-w d-r-i-p into my port. It looks like I have another half an hour on the anti-nausea meds, and then they have to order the chemo meds and that's another hour and a half, so I probably won't get out of here any earlier than 2 or 2:30pm.

A word about my port. I had it surgically put in on Monday--my appointment was scheduled for 3pm but I wasn't actually wheeled into an OR until closer to 5pm. Now, no one had told me what the surgery would entail and everyone made it seem like it was no big deal--a simple out-patient procedure. And in many ways they were right--the actual operation itself, start to finish, was only an hour, and then it was only half an hour for me to be in the recovery room because I was never "out" per se--I was in what they call "twilight"--meaning, I was never completed knocked out. In fact, according to my nurse, Tom, who was the one who pushed all the drugs through my i.v., I apparently told him that when I get anxious I make lists (which is true) and then I proceeded to list all the dog breeds I could think of in alphabetical order starting with chihuahua, then chow chow, then daushaund, and you get the picture.

I, of course, don't recall ANY OF THIS...although I had been making lists in my head to calm myself before the surgery--specifically I was listing all the Jane Austen novels in order of publication date and then all the major characters in all the Jane Austen novels. Yes, I am a lit nerd. Yes I am an Austen fan.

So if you are wondering, just what IS a surgical port??? Well, here's what it looks like:



The diameter is about the size of a quarter and the depth is a little thicker than a bottle cap. It is hollow and has 6 inches of tubing that runs from its center--the tubing goes through my jugular vein on my right side and directly into my heart. As Matthew kept saying to me Monday night,

"THERE'S A TUBE RUNNING RIGHT INTO YOUR HEART!"

This image doesn't show the tube running right into the heart but it does show, pretty accurately, where the port is initially placed, right under the collar bone, and then they run the tube up through the jugular and then it continue down into your heart chamber.



So that's my port. The silly people at Interventional Radiology did NOT send me home with any pain medication--they said that extra strength tylenol would be fine (I'm allergic to ibuprofren--so no motrin for me). Let me tell you I WAS IN A LOT OF PAIN AT 10PM AND EXTRA STRENGTH TYLENOL WOULD NOT HAVE CUT IT! Luckily I still had percocette tabs left over from my lumpectomy/biopsy surgery so I took 2 tabs at 10pm and then went to bed and woke up at 2am and took 2 more pills (you can take 1-2 every 4 hours and trust me, I did!). So a note to the folks in Interventional Radiology: send your patients home with a prescription for 6 percocette tabs! They will not become addicted--they will more than likely need them because they have a tube running from the jugular vein into their heart and they had to actually make 2 incisions--one below the collarbone and one at the neck to access the jugular vein. You can read more about chemo ports by clicking here.

OK, back to the chemo chair. I first sat down around 10:45am and it's now 1:33pm. I'll probably be here for another 20 minutes. I think it's extra slow this first time, because they want to monitor my reactions. Since I've been here, two women in chairs next to me have left, and 2 other women have started their own treatment. The two new women seem to know one another since they greeted one another--as did the people (both women) who were with them--one a friend, the other a partner. I have finished the round of anti-nausea meds, and I finished the "A" part of the "AC" cocktail--that only took about 15 minutes (and that sucker is the one that will be responsible for my hair loss--DAMN YOU!). Now I'm on the "C" part--which is the culprit responsible for the nausea that I'm bound to get (apparently if you are prone to motion sickness, you will more than likely get nauseous with the chemo, but they give you lots of drugs for that). I'm definitely feeling a bit rough in the belly--and a bit light headed--and my lips are cold and I'm getting a mettalic taste in my mouth.

(sigh)

Welcome to chemoland!

When I woke up this morning, I was sort've nervous. Now that I'm here? I'm pissed. Seriously, my predominant emotion at this moment is anger. Not big anger, just low level piss-offed-ness. Major frustration and annoyance. I mean WHO HAS TIME TO SIT IN A CHEMO CHAIR??!!! REALLY? I HAVE TO BE ON 3 DIFFERENT MEDICATIONS TO DEAL WITH THE NAUSEA THAT COMES FROM CHEMO TREATMENT???!!! And of course MY HAIR IS ABOUT TO FALL OUT IN 2 WEEKS!

On that note, let me show you some pictures we took at the wig store and at home of me with the two wigs--the first I call my "casual/sporty" wig (note the comfy black headband--and yes, this wig essentially looks exactly like my normal hair--it looks like I'm just wearing a headband):

At In the Pink



At home



And THIS is my "going out" wig--and yes, I AM going to be teaching with this wig in the spring since my hair won't grow back in until the summer:

Outside the store



At home


[The name of this wig is "Strawberry Syrup!" According to Jeremy, I look like a lot of women he's seen in Tokyo--go me for being fashion forward without having to bleach the hell out of my hair!]

Anyway, for whatever reason, my default emotion with all of this is anger. I am an Angry Asian girl (click here if you don't get the cartoon reference). I'm angry that this is disrupting my life, Matthew's life, the lives of my family and friends. I'm angry that I'm not going to be teaching in the fall and that I have to be hooked up to an i.v. to get chemo every other week for 16 weeks. I'm angry that my nurse navigator, Leslie, didn't give me correct information when I saw her last week about a shot that I need to have on Friday (it's a shot that will help increase my white blood cells). I'm angry that 7-10 days after each chemo treatment my white blood cell count will be low and I'll have to be careful about being around crowds and esp. around anyone who might be sick (like kids). And I'm angry that I won't be able to hug Layla on her 3rd birthday because I love Layla and want to give her a big hug and kiss. And I'm angry that I'm going to have surgery at the end of all of this and my breasts will be removed and the recovery and rehabilitation will be difficult and painful. And I'm angry at all the people who tell me to have a positive attitude or who tell me not to be angry because I think righteous anger can be productive and I have enough righteous anger to fuel a mack truck. And I'm angry at all those fucking pink ribbons and the fact that AstraZeneca, the drug company that makes tomoxifen (the drug I'll be on for 5 years that will make me go into early menopause, which also makes me angry) is the one who created "Breast Cancer Awareness Month" and they are also the same company whose parent corporation, Imperial Chemical, makes a fertilizer that is known to cause...breast cancer. And I'm just angry that I now have this worry in the back of my head that I might die--that I'm sure I won't die--and of course everyone will die one day--but I mean that the cancer will return and I might die an earlier death than I normally would because of this damn cancer.

[takes deep breath]

Truthfully, I'm probably not nearly as angry as the above rant makes me seem. I'm just tired and frustrated and annoyed. And a little pissed off. But overall I'm doing OK--I mean, there's no way to deal with this but to just deal with it. So I'm dealing with it. And on that note, let me leave you with a picture of Matthew that should be good for a laugh for all of us!



P.S. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who signed up for Bruno walking or food drop offs for the next 16 weeks! We are bowled over by your generosity! I also wanted to say to folks who aren't able to sign up, that we would never turn away food or offers to walk Bruno--and if you notice, these aren't weekly dates, we've only listed 3 days every other week when we think we'll need help. What I'm saying is, if you wanted to come on a day that wasn't listed to drop off a dish, we'd be extremely grateful and appreciative, although no one should feel obliged to do this AT ALL. I was amazed that so many of you signed up for so many slots! Actually, I'm not amazed because we know how amazing our friends are! Anyway, I'll include the link to the google sign-up sheet here if anyone wants to see about a slot in late August/September. And if you want to just drop off a dish on a date not listed, feel free to just email me!

P.P.S. [UPDATE: 4:09pm EST] I'm at home now, lying down in my bedroom and sipping some gingerale. I seem to be exhibiting text book symptoms: I'm tired, a bit light headed, slightly naueous, and I have a slight metallic taste in my mouth. Anyway, I'm going to be resting up here for the next few days--apparently this first round of chemo should help me to predict how I'll be on subsequent rounds of chemo--at least through the AC regimen--with taxol you never know. I also thought I'd leave you with two photos of me in Chemo Chair #16 that my Mom took -- she and my Dad traded off in the visitor chair (they only let you have one visitor at a time) until Matthew came and then he took over the final half hour stretch.

Me with my laptop--I mean, what would I do if I couldn't have my laptop with me???



This photo gives you a better sense of how I'm getting the chemo treatment--you can see the i.v. line snaking into my shirt--that's where the port is--the bags with saline and the chemo drugs are above the machine.



Finally, BIG PROPS to the nurses I had today--Delma and Shelly in the oncology clinic and Julie in the Chemo infusion clinic. All three were enormously helpful and straightshooters who didn't sugar coat things for me and talked to me like the capable adult that I am. Shelly even came and found me in the chemo chair because I had forgotten to take some extra wipes to deal with cleaning my port--and Julie was THE BEST nurse for me to have during this first round. She took me on a little tour of the clinic, showed me where the bathrooms were, where the kitchen is (I can eat all the crackers and drink as much gingerale and eat as much chicken soup or tomato soup as I want) and just explained what she's found to be true for patients in her experience working in the chemo room. She's a direct no-nonsense nurse who is originally from upstate NY and she and I bonded over the fact that both of us get in trouble all the time in the South because we say things that are too direct and we can't figure out the cultural/gender codes. I *heart* Julie!

Going . . . going . . . (but not yet gone...) & sign-up sheet link

So I got the dates of my arterial port surgery mixed up. To be fair (because I'm usually not such a space cadet), when the nurse called to confirm my oncology appt, my surgery appt, and my chemo appt, I was walking Bruno with my friend JoAnna (who is briefly in town) and I repeated, aloud several times, the days rather than the dates of the appointments. So I blame the nurse because while she may have given me the correct date, initially, she mis-spoke on the day of the week. So I thought the surgery was happening Tuesday but no, the confirmation phone call and mail says Monday @3pm at the Interventional Radiology Unit of Memorial Hospital. It is outpatient surgery, but it's still surgery--meaning, I need a "RESPONSIBLE ADULT" (this is the language of the surgery prep sheet) to wait during the surgery (which should last all of an hour, hour and a half) and who can drive me home because I "CANNOT BE RELEASED TO A TAXI CAB OR BUS DRIVER." Sad to think of someone taking the bus to surgery.

So tomorrow the arterial port is put in--which will be inserted under the skin underneath my collarbone--it won't be visible but I'll be able to feel it. And then at 9am on Thursday, June 10, it's the first round of chemo.

Anyway, in preparation for the upcoming chemo treatments and loss of my hair, I went to DB Sutton on Franklin Street and had none other than the illustrious David Sutton do his magic on my hair. I told him that he could do ANYTHING he wanted to do to my hair, although I was hoping to mimic the hair of one of his stylists, Rachel (who was the woman responsible for my amazing wedding hairstyle!).

Anyway, here's what I look like before...


And now AFTER!


This is me amazed at how short my hair is (for the record, I have NEVER had my hair cut this short before!)


David did a FANTASTIC job--and my hair feels much lighter now, and thus it will be much less traumatic when it does start to fall out (which should be 2-3 weeks after the initial chemo treatment).

So right after we left DB Sutton we went to In the Pink, a wig store designed especially for women who are going through hair loss issues as a direct result of cancer or other life altering diseases. Dana, the owner of In the Pink, is herself a cancer survivor and her store is essentially the place she wished she had when she was going through chemo. She was wonderful about helping me find wigs and advice about how to put them on, the upkeep, and being able to order different styles and colors on my preferences.

Here's Dana helping me prepare for trying on wigs


And here's me with one of the two wigs I ended up buying (I was trying to bounce around to make sure it wouldn't fall off!)


The battery on my camera died before I could get a photo of me with the second wig...lets just say it's not a style you'd typically find me in, and I decided to do something DIFFERENT.

Finally, thanks for folks who left comments on the previous post saying you'd like to get an email message about the sign-up sheet. Jordynn (who is a genius at many things) managed to create a google spreadsheet that allows anyone to view and sign up--so you don't need a gmail account to view this, all you need to do is click on the link below if you are interested in signing up to help walk Bruno or drop off a dish.

Sign Up Sheet Link

There's absolutely NO PRESSURE to do either, but we've been inundated with generous offers of both and David (of DB Sutton) told me (when he generously informed me that my haircut was gratis) that when people offer to help, it is very important to accept what people give--that as much as my natural pride and my own caretaker personality may balk at this, in the next 4-6 months I will need to rely on others. And he's right. I know I can't do this alone--and I know that Matthew and I are not alone, and for that, I'm extraordinarily grateful! So thank you in advance to everyone who is able to help out or who leaves a comment or calls or sends an email message or a card--all of it, every single gesture of kindness and caring, means so much to us.

Chemo schedule set & Wedding pics

So here's the newest cancer update. Had my oncology appointment w/Dr. Lisa Carey and I will be starting a 16 week chemotherapy regimen starting on Thursday, June 10. For 8 weeks, I'll be receiving 4 doses every 2 weeks (or every other week) of AC (I can't spell let alone pronounce these two drugs but I think they are adrenomyacin & cyclophoshphetene -- apparently they are common chemo drugs) and then I'll be on a round of Toxil for 8 weeks, receiving 4 doses every 2 weeks/every other week, which means I should be done with the entire round of chemo in late September. The schedule may be amended if I have to stop treatment due to low white blood cell count or if I catch the flu (hence, I'm avoiding all populations of folks who get sick--which is why I'm not teaching in the fall). So if all goes well I should be scheduled for surgery in the last week of October or first week of November (that's the bi-lateral/double mastectomy that Dr. Amos will be doing).

The first 8 weeks of the AC chemo drugs take about 3-4 hours (including a clinic appointment w/Dr. Carey & anti-nausea meds they give me) and the last 8 weeks on toxil is longer -- probably 5-6 hours (the infusion for toxil is 3 hours vs. 1.5 for the AC cocktail). Major side effects will include nausea (they'll manage this with meds), low blood count (both white and red), fatigue, and hair loss--but of course there are other symptoms (like mouth/throat sores, bleeding, blood clotting issues) that can also happen (rarer but possible, at least the blood stuff).

So that ends the medical portion of this post. I'll be having out-patient surgery next week Tuesday, June 8 @3pm to put in a port that will go below my collarbone--that's how I'll be receiving chemo. The worst thing about out-patient surgery is that you can't eat for 6 hours prior to surgery and you can't drink anything 2 hours prior to surgery--UGH. But you know, compared with what I'll be faced with in terms of chemo and future mastectomy surgery, not a big deal at all.

Anyway, my parents will be able to go to my first chemo appointment with me on June 10 (Thursday)--they'll head back to CA on Sunday, June 13. I know folks have been asking "What can I do?" Laura & Jordynn are going to be organizing some Google calendars for future chemo help (mostly walking Bruno, dropping off food, and potentially taking me to my treatment if Matthew can't make it--so far he's re-arranged his work schedule to be able to be my chauffer). So if you're interested in getting an email about the google doc, leave a comment and I'll be sure to include you on the mass mail that Jordynn and Laura will send out (you do need a gmail account to access the calendar, so if you don't have one, you may need to contact Laura/Jordynn directly for help).

Finally, besides the chemo treatment and the cancer, the other big life event happening in May was THE WEDDING!!! So I'm going to end on a happy note by including photos from both the small ceremony we had with just immediate family that was held at the NC Museum of Art Park (we got married in the Lowe's Pavilion & took photos there and at the rings) and then the following day we had a party at Johnny's in Carroboro.

Jen & Matthew in the Lowe's Pavillion


Lizzie (Matthew's sister) was the officiant (we ordained her on-line!)


We're Married!


After the ceremony


Leaving the Park through the rings


Deepfried eggplant stuffed with pork (1 of 14 courses that we had as part of our Chinese banquet at Super Wok in Cary, NC)


Peking Duck


Lobster


The Wedding Party on Saturday @Johnny's (this is the jazz combo who played--they also play on Saturday mornings @Johnny's)


Explaining the 3 different cakes that we had w/the different phrases we used as decoration: "It's your turn to do the dishes" (on the yellow-chocolate ganache-almond buttercream frosting cake), "Can you walk bruno?" (on the lemon-lemon curd-lemon buttercream cake), and "Have you seen my keys?" (on the vegan chocolate-chocolate-chocolate cake)--the flowers were used as decoration compliments of my cousins Jeanine & Eileen!


Our friend Shannon giving a toast before we cut the cakes


Moving the party across the street to our house


Hanging out with friends


Me cleaning up at the end of the night